Deciding Like a Manager

Deciding Like a Manager — From My Ontological Coaching Chair by Richard Grossi (MBA), Ontological Coach & Management/Leadership Strategist & Lecturer

Decisions can feel heavy. Some arrive without much weight, almost routine. Others press on you like a stone in your chest — the kind you can’t ignore: hiring someone, ending a project, shifting direction or confronting a team member.

In management training, we often get taught models, frameworks and probability charts. Those have their place, but what I’ve found far more relevant is not the theory of decision-making, but rather the person who is making the decision. How you show up, what you notice, the mood you bring into the room and the way your general self interacts with others — all of this has more influence on the outcome than any tool or framework ever will.

For me, decision-making isn’t about chasing perfect choices. It’s about stewarding yourself well in the moment so that the choices you make are cleaner and your follow-through steadier.

The Ontological View

Managers always make choices inside systems — people, processes, opportunities, and constraints. But from an ontological perspective, the focus shifts from the what (what needs to be decided) of the decision to the who (who is making the decision).

• Who are you being in that moment?
  Are you showing up as an anxious manager, or as a confident leader who empowers others to solve?
• What mood or emotion is shaping your perception?
  If you’re anxious, you’ll only see risks. If you’re hopeful, you’ll notice openings. Two leaders can look at the same issue — one sees danger, the other sees possibility.
• What’s happening in your body?
  A tight chest and shallow breath can push you to rush. Relaxed shoulders and grounded feet can slow you down enough to choose more wisely. The body often makes the call before the mind does.
• What stories are you telling yourself?
  “This always fails” closes the door before you begin. “We’ve struggled before but learned along the way” keeps the door open. The narrative you hold becomes the frame of the decision.

Methods do matter, but your state of being when you apply them changes everything. Taking responsibility for the effect of your choices matters too — it moves you out of a defensive posture and into ownership. And because decisions live inside relationships, the way you hold yourself with others often matters as much as the content of the decision itself.

Four Domains to Notice

Before rushing into analysis, pause and scan these four domains of your being:

1. Mood & Emotion
   Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Anxious, excited, tired, angry? Each mood shapes how you see. Naming it weakens its grip.
2. Body & Energy
   Where’s your body in this decision? Is your jaw clenched, your breath shallow, your shoulders tight? Or are you grounded, steady, open? Your body anchors your mind — a tense posture clouds clarity while a calm one supports it.
3. Conversation & Language
   What story are you telling yourself and others? “This will fail” shuts doors, while “Here’s what worries me” invites exploration. Language doesn’t just describe reality — it creates it.
4. Identity & Commitments
   Who are you being in this moment — protector, avoider, optimiser, visionary? The identity you stand in will drive the kind of action you take.

The Common Traps

Without this awareness, it’s easy to fall into predictable traps. Sometimes we react straight out of a triggered mood and regret it later. Sometimes we make a choice just to escape discomfort. Other times we over-analyse, hiding in more data to avoid carrying the responsibility of deciding. And often, we fall back on habit, repeating what feels familiar rather than what fits the moment.

The value of an ontological approach is that it helps you see these patterns as they’re happening — and gives you the space to choose differently.

Coaching Yourself in the Moment

When the pressure is on, your “inner coach” isn’t there to tell you what to do. It’s there to hold up a mirror so you can notice how you’re deciding. A few simple practices help:

1. Name the mood. Say it plainly: “I’m feeling defensive about this.” Naming it loosens its hold.
2. Take an embodied pause. Three full breaths. Feel your feet on the ground. Drop your shoulders. This shifts you out of urgency.
3. Check your language. Swap absolutes for explorations. Instead of “It always fails,” say “Here’s what I’m worried about.”
4. Ask an identity question. “If I were leading as the kind of person I want to be, what would I risk here?”
5. Separate the voices. Let fear, hope, and fact each speak for a moment. Then choose which one needs to lead right now.

Manager or Judge?

There’s also a big difference between deciding like a manager and deciding like a judge. A judge seeks finality and certainty. That stance risks shutting down dialogue and punishing dissent. A manager, however, sees a decision as one step in moving the system forward. Managers expect iteration, communicate expectations clearly and leave room for feedback and adjustment.

When you take decisions as a manager, not a judge, you keep the system alive and open to learning — for yourself and for the people you lead.

A Case in Point

Consider the decision to confront a team member who isn’t delivering. The data is clear — missed deadlines, slipping standards, and frustrated colleagues. On paper, the choice looks straightforward: have the difficult conversation. But again, the deeper question is not what to do, but who is doing it.

Is the manager approaching from a mood of frustration, ready to criticise? From avoidance, hoping the issue will somehow fix itself? Or from a place of ownership, willing to face discomfort in order to restore accountability and strengthen trust?

The ontological lens shows that the impact of the decision rests less on the words chosen than on the mood, story, and identity shaping them. Two leaders might say the same thing — but one leaves the person defensive while the other opens the door to growth.

Final Thought

Decisions aren’t verdicts, they’re conversations with the future. They carry your mood, your body, your words, and your identity forward into what comes next. When you choose with that awareness, decisions stop being something to fear and become invitations — invitations for growth, learning, and momentum.